In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How's work?
Spinning.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
