it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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