I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
