I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
