He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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