I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
