We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
