I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
