i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
