i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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