were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
