a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
