i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
