I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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