The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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