The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
