I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
