a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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