I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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