yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
