6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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