Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
