I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
