I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
