I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
