You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
