don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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