piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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