I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
