We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
