Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
