i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
