The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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