Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
