Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
