Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
