"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
