i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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