Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
