K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
