I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
