I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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