Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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