I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
