im so drunk with asians
where?
always
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
