I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
