Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
