well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
