Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
