i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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